Broken Hearts, Breaking Hearts, and the Ones Who Got Away (Part Four)

The mention of Rick brings me to Bear.

After my breakup with Sam, I found myself in a poor spot. I wasn’t losing the 15 pounds I needed to lose in order to join the military, so I had to find something to do with my life. I’d decided to join cosmetology school. Honestly, I didn’t do so well with cutting hair, so I transferred to esthetics. I thrived and did very well in the program. It kept me on track, focused, and forced me to set goals.

While I was going to school, I became friends with a woman by the name of Leah. Leah was so kind to me. It was as if she said “I chose you” and took me under her wing, and we became close friends quickly. We would leave class and go to the liquor store and drink beer in her car during our breaks at school. We really had a lot of fun together.

Leah was engaged, and she and her fiancee lived in a house with a roommate. That roommate was Bear.

Leah had shown me pictures of him in the past, and whenever she did, I asked her how old he was. He was 17 years older than me. I wasn’t really interested in men that much older than me. I was really kind of looking for someone to be serious with, and I didn’t believe that I would be able to settle down with a man 17 years my senior. It was really the factor of thought of introducing him to my family. I could just see the look of shame from them.

So, initially whenever he asked me on a date in front of everyone, I asked him if he thought I was desperate. I told him that I believed our age difference was a defining factor. Well, we still drank and had a good time. That night whenever we were going to bed, he told me that if I wanted to come sleep in his room, then his door was opened. I took him up on that offer.

Obviously, we became intimate, and it started from there. I will say, that during our time together, he really was a great guy. The problem we ran into was that he is a man of few words, and our levels of communication are just completely different. Whenever he wanted to ask me if I wanted to be exclusive, he asked me like this:

How about we don’t bed hop anymore?

Bed hop? What? I don’t bed hop!

Okay, so I won’t bed hop anymore.

Okay, that sounds good.

It took me until about two years ago of mulling it over for me to truly understand what this conversation meant.

As a side note – my husband, whenever we became exclusive, he asked me if I wanted to move in. I took that literally, and actually moved in. Ha! He really just wanted to be exclusive, but hey (!) I take things literally.

So, Bear and I were apparently exclusively dating, but I didn’t really know that. Ha! To think about that now makes me roll with laughter.

We went out on double dates with Leah and her fiancee regularly. He also mentioned to me that he wanted me to meet his parents. I told him that I was totally against that idea. I really did not want to meet his parents at all. So, whenever the time came, I told him that I was busy that weekend. Looking back, that was seriously quite rude of me. I was just scared. I was running from him all while sleeping in the same bed.

Looking back on it now, I believe that he was really in love with me. I’d dropped him like a hotcake for something that was beyond stupid, and really, I regret it now. That man would’ve reached up, gotten the moon, and wrapped it up with a pretty bow to give to me. I’m sure of it. This was yet another heart I’ve broken, and maybe one that got away.

More on Bear later.

About Courtney D Gutmanhttp://thegutmanchronicle.comThis is my story in short pieces. As long as I write something everyday, I know that I am accomplishing something. I will eventually separate "Ship Wrecked" into it's own area, and my regular posts somewhere else, but until I take the time to do that, they will be mixed in together. Hopefully it will be done within the next month or so.

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